Thursday, February 15, 2007

Delinquency Lives!

I apologise for the sporadic posting. It's just too freaking cold to be here in the office. My hands are chilled and my toes are approaching the frostbite zone. Maybe I should be swilling gin or something to warm me as I type.....hmmm.........

Okay, first things first. The playdate from hell.

Let me just say off the bat that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my kids, more than chocolate, and that's saying something. But other people's kids? Meh. (As Leanne would say). (But not YOUR kids. Your kids are great.)That being said, a few weeks ago, we had a PD day at Phoenix's school. His friend's mom called me up in the morning to invite Bun over for a playdate. Sure! I said. Around 1:30? Great. Two seconds later I get another phone call. Can he come over in the morning instead? Sorry, uncle and grandfather visiting at present. Okay, same time then. Bye. Two more seconds later, another phone call, asking if her son could come play at my house for about an hour, because she had a job interview and then Bun could spend the rest of the afternoon at her house. Ok.

(Also scheduled that day, was a psych assessment appointment that I had to take Keegan to, hence the brother/dad babysitting duo. Then, at 12:30, I had a meeting at my house with Keegan's resource consultant to plan our education meeting with various other people that Keegs has been seen by or tested with. Ok...)

When the boy in question arrived, I explained, SEVERAL TIMES, that I had a very important meeting, and they had to play quietly downstairs and NOT INTERRUPT. RC arrives, we start the meeting, and then the agony begins. "Um, excuse me, Phoenix's mom? I need a snack." Go away. I am in a meeting. I will deal with you and snacks later. "Excuse me, can we go play video games out in the studio?" No. Over my dead body. Go away. I am in a meeting.

Things to this nature happen again and again and again until I have to excuse myself and go and threaten death upon all of the kids in a very scary low-volume evil-mom voice.

Get back to the meeting. "Excuse me....". I turned to the child in rage, then in fearful curiosity. What is that all over your shirt? "Oh, we were giving our Webkins (stuffed animals) haircuts. I said it was okay." At this point, my head is about to explode and the RC is trying not to laugh. I run downstairs to the toy room with boy in tow, and see the beauty shop massacre all over the carpet and every child. The look on Phoenix's face was plainly "Oh F U C K ! ! ! !" Pretty much. I gave a rapid and fierce riot act, confiscated scissors and any other potentially heart-attack inducing weapons of mass destruction, and went back up to find the RC packing up. She told me she had written me notes of what she wanted to cover instead, since I was obviously not able to focus. I apologised profusely, and saw her out. Then Ty woke up. ARRGGH!

At this point, I told the boys to put on their gear and chucked them into the backyard. And did I mention that this "one hour" had turned into three? I was NOT impressed. When the mom finally arrived, with an off-hand apology for being late, and a questioning, "How was he?" I certainly did not mince words. When she, in her mortification of her child's behaviour, offered to take Phoenix for the afternoon, even dinner, I told her that I thought perhaps they had seen enough of each other that day.

So. That was my playdate from hell, in a nutshell. Do you have any playdate war stories? Share them! I want to hear "Shann, that was nothing compared to my day!"
I hope everyone had a nice Valentine's Day yesterday. In the spirit of "LOVING" I have composed a list or two. Things That Annoy the Hell Out of Me about my Hubby" and of course "Things I Love About My Hubby" and his list for me. Here goes. See if any of these things are on your own lists...

Things That Annoy Me About My Hubby
1. Snoring. Enough said.
2. How he takes up 89% of the bed, leaving me clinging to a shred of blanket and the edge of the mattress.
3. How he leaves the toilet seat up
4. How he dumps tupperware into the sink without rinsing it out, and piles dishes on the counter ABOVE the dishwasher, and yet can't take the extra 2 seconds to put them inside.
5. Taking off his socks and leaving them in balls or inside out in 100 different places in the house, none of which include the laundry basket.
6. Talking with his hands.
7. Inviting people over without consulting me first, resulting in a whirlwind of cleaning frenzy-induced anxiety for me.
8. How when I am in the middle of a rant, he interrupts and tells me to "relax". ARRGHHH!

Things I Love About My Hubby

1. He will drop anything to "you know what" even if he was sick and dying.
2. He loves to cook and 99.9% of the time, makes dinner.
3. He doesn't like chocolate so I get to eat it all!
4. He is an awesome dad.
5. He is good to his parents.
6. He makes me laugh every single day.
7. He is handy, and can fix most electrical and plumbing issues and does all of the outside gardening work.
8. He feels sorry for my hands, and has taken over bathing the kids duty.
9. How he is always warm as toast and doesn't mind me placing various body parts on him to leach out the heat into my frozen limbs.

Things That I Do to Annoy the Hell out of my Hubby

1. Insist on checking my e-mail right when he is about to do some work in the office.
2. Leaving piles of miscellaneous crap on tables, saying that I am still using it, and will put it away later.
3. How I put off putting away laundry until I have no choice.
4. How I would rather read than do anything else.
5. That I abhor most types of physical activity.
6. How when I drink a Coke, I only open the can a little bit, and not the whole way, and don't suck off the pop from the rim after every sip. (This for some reason drives him insane, so of course, I do it now just to piss him off...)
7. How I will put the milk back in the fridge, even though there is only a 6 drops left in the bag, because I may use it in my cup of tea later.

Thing My Hubby Loves About Me

1. The fact that I am gorgeous, dead-sexy and not to mention, modest.
2. Big boobs.
3. When I wear my hair in a pony tail.
4. My sarcasm. (Yes, there are people who see it for the art it is!)
5. That I am a good mom.
6. That I am close with my family and his.
7. That I do all the stuff he hates, like sorting mail, reading and deleting crap e-mail from his in-box, cleaning toilets, doing laundry and assisting homework.
8. When I laugh in bed, silently as to not wake the kids and the whole bed vibrates. He always says "I don't remember putting a quarter in the bed!"

I am sure that I am leaving out a million things on all four lists but, there you go. No matter what the annoyances are, I love him, and couldn't live without him. And he loves me too, and is too scared to leave ;)


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